SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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