I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
