sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
