Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
