Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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