yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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