JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
