Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
