you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
