I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
