Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
