i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
