you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize