Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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