At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
