She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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