i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
