i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
