just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
