My friends, they love my intelligence
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just want to make out with him forever
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
