I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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