stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Terrible idea I love it
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
