Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
