She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
COCAINE IS GR8
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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