While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize