Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
should my penis look like a turkey
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
