i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
How does one acquire holy water?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
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