I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
