Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You ate ashes out of my bong
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
