My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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