just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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