I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
