I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
