so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
