yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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