1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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