Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
