If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
All I want is dick and wine.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
