this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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