I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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