Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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