A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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