he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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