I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
