I hate your face
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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