Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
