Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
