rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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