Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Operation Purity has been aborted
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
