I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
