I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
