Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
