god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize