I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
