dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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