I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
