i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
