remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
there is glitter all over my balls
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize