You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
