I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
