he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
