Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
