shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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