Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
