Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
