All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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