My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
