I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
