Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
