he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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